It’s Golden Globes time.

by Colin McGuire. 0 Comments

For me, the Golden Globes have been nothing more than the go-to place for my Ricky-Gervais-is-mean fill each year. It’s a fill I eat up like six pounds of french fries and it’s a fill that makes me warm and snugly inside. I know, I know. Nobody likes Ricky Gervais anymore. Everyone is sick of him. He’s annoying. Everyone thought “The Invention Of Lying” was trite and idiotic. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and blah.

But, I still love him. So, shut up. And stop telling me how great Adam Scott, Tumblr and “Homeland” is while you’re at it.

Anyway, this year marks the first time in a few years that David Brent himself will not be in the hosting role of the trophy show. That honor will be thrust upon the equally-as-brilliant Tina Fey and the former Mrs. Will Arnett, Amy Poehler (for which my heart still weeps). This, friends, was the single choice that whomever decides these things could have made in order to properly follow up the Gervais run. Kudos to you, Mr. or Mrs. Globe.

The nominees were announced today, and a quick look back in time (thank God for the Internet!) reminded me that I … didn’t pay this moment any type of attention last year. Hey — it’s December. Who really reads this thing in December? Actually, who really reads this thing, period?

Fear not, though — this year will be different. Fresh off the heels of my glorious victory over Mr. Michael Hunley in our Emmys predictions (Katy Perry is still thanking me), I thought it might be a good idea to take at least a cursory look at the television side of The Awards Show That Isn’t The Oscars. For the movie side, of course, you can venture over to the PGTC blog for Mr. Hunley’s rants and raves about today’s announcements (and his ongoing predictions for who may be nominated once Academy Award time comes around).

As I’ve done in the past for similar instances, I’ve decided to take the news and break it into five different talking points. Why? Because where would this world be without bulleted talking points? Where? Would? It? Be? So, behold the following completely knee-jerk, probably-unwarranted and utterly nonsensical musings about the 2013 Golden Globe Awards.

Let’s go …

1. A world becoming less and less angry. Well, you can’t make the readers suffer through something called The Mad Men Project and not address what happened to the AMC trophy-show favorite on Thursday. The program lost out a spot as a mere nominee in the Best Drama category presumably to “The Newsroom,” the only show up for this particular award that makes people go … what? Is Mr. Sorkin’s Jeff Daniels-led portrayal of screaming people on camera screaming into cameras really that good, or has “Mad Men” really fallen that far? Do we blame “Zou Bisou Bisou?” Do we blame the untimely death of Lane, who unquestionably served as the show’s heart? Do we blame LSD? Do we blame Lucky Strike and Peggy for bailing on SCDP? Do we blame Harry Crane … because everybody always seems to blame Harry Crane? Or, do we just blame the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, who actually once nominated “The Tourist” for a real, honest-to-goodness award? Yeah, the show has been weaker than past seasons — that’s not a secret — but to remove “Mad Men” entirely from the list of finalists just seems … not right. Something will be missing from this year’s Globes/Oscars season, and that something will be Jon Hamm’s perfect comb-over. It’s a sad, sad day.

2. Smashed. Wait … what?! You mean to tell me “Smash” is better than “Louie,” “Veep” or “30 Rock?” Wait … what?! Or, as Alan Sepinwall wrote earlier today while looking at the best comedy or musical category, “Again, ‘Episodes’ was practically designed to get Golden Globe nominations, and while the presence of ‘Smash’ here over ‘Parks,’ ‘Louie,’ ‘New Girl’ (which was nominated last year) and a host of other shows is dumb, you can take a positive spin on things by assuming it just took the slot that last year went to ‘Glee,’ and that it was the excellent ‘Girls’ that kept any other comedies from crashing the party.” Look, I understand the HFPA is an easy target this time of year, but doesn’t this decision seem a tad irresponsible? And for as much as I will forever refuse to buy into the “Parks & Recreation” hype … I mean, come on, guys!

3. Britain is better. As far as I’m concerned, “The Hour” is some of the best television that broadcasts over the airwaves in the entire universe. For that, I feel, the show should be awarded. The problem? It’s up against “Game Change” in the Best Miniseries or Television Movie category. And if we learned anything from Emmy a few months ago, we’ve learned to accept the fact that the Julianne Moore-led HBO adaptation of that book simply cannot be beat. Thus, it needs to be asked: Why isn’t this split into two different categories? It seems a bit unfair, doesn’t it? How could you possibly judge a film alongside a six-part television series? There are so many advantages and disadvantages to both that it seems virtually impossible to accurately conclude what was the best among a group so uneven in practicality. It’s a disgrace I tell you. A disgrace!

4. Country Strong. I’m just going to let this stand on its own, from Sepinwall again: The HFPA thinks Hayden Panettiere is giving one of the five best performances by a supporting actress in all of television.

5. Quotes are the best. The Associated Press did a roundup of some of the statements made by nominees today. And now it’s time to have some fun …

  • “I can’t wait to see Daniel Day Lewis. I’m wondering if he’ll still be in character as Lincoln.” — Julia Louis-Dreyfus, again being the voice of popular opinion.
  • “It actually proves to be quite humorous sometimes because it will get to a point where people have had one too many cocktails and go up for an acceptance speech, and it ends up being very interesting.” — Hayden Panettiere, seven minutes after being told by her publicist to work the word “quite” into a sentence.
  • “I’m in a van on my way to Queens to do ’30 Rock.’ I heard the news this morning right before yoga. I was just about to shut off my phone. Unfortunately, I knew the nominations were being announced, so I was worried.” — Julianne Moore, simultaneously spoiling how “30 Rock” will end and reminding us all of how out of shape we are.

And finally …

  • “It’s probably the only way you could wake me up early and not make me mad.” Jennifer Lawrence, doing her best impression of me, if I was attractive, a movie star, a character in “The Hunger Games” and someone other people always seem to want to be around. But I’m not. So, it’s sad.

The ceremony is set for 8 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 13. And, as the my work phone is explaining to me as we speak, that’s exactly one month from today. And to all a good night.

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