Earning a Nobel Peace Prize

by Chris Markham. 0 Comments

As you all may have heard, recently, the United States of America is considering attacking yet another country in its “War on Terror,” or it’s Operation Freedom, or let’s distract the country from the mess that is Obamacare – you pick. This time, it’s Syria.

My first thought was “not again – not another one.” My second thought was “what will I have for lunch?” My third was “I may have an idea for a column here.”

Here’s where it gets interesting. My fourth thought was, “Didn’t the President win the Nobel peace prize a few years back?”

As stated on Wikipedia (the world’s foremost expert on everything and anything), the Nobel Peace Prize is “one of the five Nobel Prizes created by the Swedish industrialist, inventor, and armaments manufacturer Alfred Nobel, along with the prizes in Chemistry, Physics, Physiology or Medicine and Literature. Since 1901, it has been awarded annually (with some exceptions – author’s note) to those who have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

Plus, if you win, you get a million dollars.

I would tend to think prolonging conflicts and starting new ones would hardly be found under the definition of the latter part of the definition. Oh, how Mr. Nobel must be rolling in his grave. That says something – the guy made bombs for goodness sake.

However, it would appear to me that President Obama’s Nobel Prize was more in anticipation of the work he would do on behalf of world unity in the future, rather than what he had done so far in the present. He should also be disqualified for making me write that tortured last sentence. That would make some sense, given the mess of things he’s made thus far. Further, I didn’t realize that such prizes were awarded on potential; if that were so, I can only imagine the slew of individuals that have shown great potential, but have been derailed in their greatness for some reason or another.

With that in mind, I’m going to propose that my son be considered for the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize. Although he is only seven (or, as he likes to remind me, seven-and-a-half), he has done as much as President Obama has done to date to foster world peace.

To wit, here are some of the highlights for my son’s application:

Q. What is your view on America’s place in the world?

A. I like America. It is the best country. I hope all other countries will stop hating us.

Q. What do you think of the current unrest in Egypt, and explain how these matters will impact the future political agenda of the religious conservatives striving to control that part of the world?

A. Have you met my turtle? His name is Max. We think he’s a girl, so we shouldn’t call her Max. Did you know I’m pretty good at baseball? I can hit the ball pretty far.

Q. What is the most important political issue of our generation?

A. I can also hit a golf ball pretty far, too. I also take karate, and I know never to use karate to hurt anyone, especially our moms and dads. I’m pretty good at a lot of sports, actually (He does say “actually” a great deal – Author’s Note).

Q. How would you counsel world leaders as to the state of peace in the world today?

A. Peace is good. I’m hungry. Can I have something to eat? I’d like some milk, too. This is boring. Want to play with Legos?

You get the joke. By now I sincerely hope you do, because trying to talk to a seven-year old and get straight, concise answers out of him is like talking to a politician.

Regardless, you can see that my son loves peace. And Legos. And sports. The best quality he has is that he’s always hungry. Not metaphorically, literally – the boy is always hungry. So I think he’ll be well-equipped to deal with those parts of the world that don’t have enough to eat.

Therefore, I truly feel as though my son is deserving of this honor. It isn’t every day that you meet someone with such an acute awareness and grasp of international socio-political issues, and are willing to share his insights. At the very least, the million bucks you receive will come in handy to pay for his health care down the road.

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Christopher Markham writes a regular column for fredericknewspost.com.

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